"Yes, we had to let people go. But, we value you. We want you to take on more responsibilities"... It happened so fast. Just like that nearly half my team was gone. I had survived. We design chips for digital cameras. I am pretty good at it.
But it did throw me off guard. I had been living a rather idyllic life. Today morning I was annoyed that I wasn't able to get a page counter setup. In hindsight I was bitching about something trivial when people were asked to go home. I had kissed enough asses to keep myself safe.
Evening, I went to the ocean front. I was still preoccupied. Some of those laid off had families. On H1B one has no security. I wonder why anyone should work like this..beats me. As for me, I would get my green card in a couple of months. Not that I am ecstatic about it. Just offers a person a greater security. The caress of the easterly wind was rather soothing. Brought memories of the beach back home.
Mom loved the beach. She always said she could stay there forever looking at the waves. An involuntary lump forms in my throat. Have I been a good son? I have left my aging parents back home. In pursuit of what? Has it been worth it? I have worked my butt off, my paycheck makes me smile. But deep down a longing persists.
Still feeling rather heavy, I go to the Blockbuster. I quickly blow 15 bucks on three movies I had always wanted to see - "Pursuit of Happyness", "Bucket List" and the "Dark Knight".
"Help a stranger for common good" - How appropriate. Checking my email, I found that someone did try to help me setup the page counter. It lightened my mood. And she was really sweet. :-) I suddenly feel all the more cheesy for all my solicitations on random blogs to leave me comments. If someone wants to leave me a note they will. I also shut down my wordpress blog. Two blogs are like two wives. I realize that it is enough if I write what I want to write.
If I were to add to the bucket list I would add - "Make those who love you, feel loved". Will I ever truly fulfill that?
I don't let up after the Bucket List. Will Smith's kid in "Pursuit of Happyness" reminds me how much I love kids. One day I will have a daughter. But...not yet. not yet. I need to finish my pursuit. I always thought that term Coelho(personal legend) uses was cheesy while reading the Alchemist. May be it is just our difficulty in acknowledging its existence that is cheesy. Somewhere in the middle of watching Will Smith struggle, a vision of my pursuit crystallizes.....and it is not here in this land. Not between the Pacific and the Atlantic. It will be back there in the peninsula. The only place I can truly call home.
This means I have to continue being a bad son for a while more.... even if I am running short of excuses to avoid marriage ;-)
1 day ago