Friday, January 2, 2009

As it happens

"Yes, we had to let people go. But, we value you. We want you to take on more responsibilities"... It happened so fast. Just like that nearly half my team was gone. I had survived. We design chips for digital cameras. I am pretty good at it.

But it did throw me off guard. I had been living a rather idyllic life. Today morning I was annoyed that I wasn't able to get a page counter setup. In hindsight I was bitching about something trivial when people were asked to go home. I had kissed enough asses to keep myself safe.

Evening, I went to the ocean front. I was still preoccupied. Some of those laid off had families. On H1B one has no security. I wonder why anyone should work like me. As for me, I would get my green card in a couple of months. Not that I am ecstatic about it. Just offers a person a greater security. The caress of the easterly wind was rather soothing. Brought memories of the beach back home.

Mom loved the beach. She always said she could stay there forever looking at the waves. An involuntary lump forms in my throat. Have I been a good son? I have left my aging parents back home. In pursuit of what? Has it been worth it? I have worked my butt off, my paycheck makes me smile. But deep down a longing persists.

Still feeling rather heavy, I go to the Blockbuster. I quickly blow 15 bucks on three movies I had always wanted to see - "Pursuit of Happyness", "Bucket List" and the "Dark Knight".

"Help a stranger for common good" - How appropriate. Checking my email, I found that someone did try to help me setup the page counter. It lightened my mood. And she was really sweet. :-) I suddenly feel all the more cheesy for all my solicitations on random blogs to leave me comments. If someone wants to leave me a note they will. I also shut down my wordpress blog. Two blogs are like two wives. I realize that it is enough if I write what I want to write.

If I were to add to the bucket list I would add - "Make those who love you, feel loved". Will I ever truly fulfill that?

I don't let up after the Bucket List. Will Smith's kid in "Pursuit of Happyness" reminds me how much I love kids. One day I will have a daughter. But...not yet. not yet. I need to finish my pursuit. I always thought that term Coelho(personal legend) uses was cheesy while reading the Alchemist. May be it is just our difficulty in acknowledging its existence that is cheesy. Somewhere in the middle of watching Will Smith struggle, a vision of my pursuit crystallizes.....and it is not here in this land. Not between the Pacific and the Atlantic. It will be back there in the peninsula. The only place I can truly call home.

This means I have to continue being a bad son for a while more.... even if I am running short of excuses to avoid marriage ;-)


Kaber said...

So, you're a blogger in the true sense of the word. Cool movies. I am yet to watch Dark Kinght or bucket list, but I know the plot etc. Puruit of happyness made me cry. Beautiful movie.

I noticed that you commented on my blog twice already. Thanks, I'll check out your blog from time to time, before following it :)

Oh and I've replied to your comment about global warming. Do check that out. I think it's better to keep that discusion there.

I'd suggest you come home for a vacation. Parents, I feel, are pretty much satisfied with visits.

Whats your dream by the way?

Did you consider telling your parents your gay, to buy time (kidding man :D)


Manju said...

LOL. I love pursuit! I watch it whenever I am in the "Dont-know-what-the-heck-I-am-doing-in-US" mood:) Lightens me up, for some weird reason. I think it helps you appreciate your life more, since here is a guy who went through shit, so it basically shuts you up, if you are whining:) Anyway, a feel good blog. Keep writing!

PS: It is weird how most of us feel the same way!

Anonymous said...

You have one great writing talent Surya, did I ever tell you that?

Well, now you know!

And I loved the last touch with the bad son... any desi can relate to that!

Keep up the good work!! :)

Until next time,
Mamashaal (( desi diva ))

Surya said...

@Kaber - Thanks for the comments. Yes, certianly I would love to get into the climate change / global warming discussion. But eventually :-)

@Manju - Yes, the Pursuit is a good kool-aid to drink when in a whinesome mood :-P I need to poke you again for your next post :-D

@Mamashaal - Thanks for the flattery! I do need to tell you that I enjoy your writing as well. You will be one gr8 journalist one day :-)

Neha said...

Nice blog man :) . And a well-written post too. I mean the flow is awesome.
And aahhh I love the beach too :) :) .

Surya said...

@Neha - thanks! Ya I love the beach and the sundal too :-) Welcome to my blog!